i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
