you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
