insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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