Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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