i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
