at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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