Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
