you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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