Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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