this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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