Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
We are all done wearing pants today
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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