I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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