You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
