In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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