grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
