the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize