I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
