this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
