I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize