I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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