the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
