These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
