I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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