Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize