The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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