she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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