I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
