the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
