Cold hands, warm shart.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
