I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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