She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
