Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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