Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
