can we get nightvision for the apartment?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
