I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
