is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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