The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
