you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
