she looked like the before picture.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
