watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
