No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
