i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
