and you said cock pushups were impossible
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
