first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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