I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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