i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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