Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
