I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I CAN MOONWALK!
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
