If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
how do you play pong handcuffed?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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