shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
