So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
