dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
