I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
