I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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