I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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