I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
