I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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