why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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