I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
