just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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