you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
If I die, sorry about rent.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
