i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize