A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
