i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
